July 2012
119 posts
Not happy about today, but u know wat, i remember wat shoumei told me, and im guna go on that treadmill. Even tho i feel tired, and sick bc i ate way too much nuts n pb today :( but fuck it. Theres no feeling bad. Just think about wat im guna do now. Im guna get up, change into my workout clothes! And walk the tred for an hour!:D then shower. Then do my nails. Then just one math problem hw. Then...
I dont care that my mom got pizza. Bc shes getting fatter. karmas a bitch. This whole time shes trying so hard to make everyone eat junk food bc it makes her feel better bc she cant eat it. But i havent been affected at all. Bc i changed. I dont care anymore. And now shes been ending up eating the junk she buys n makes, so really, shes only biting herself in the ass. Im in fuxkin training bitchez....
7 tags
Damn
Ok i have to admit, idk wat i would do without my adhd medication. Bc they are fckn awsome!
I felt so awful & getting depressed & crappy & sick & cravings & i had no energy. Not the right type of healthy hunger u know?
And then i took my meds. And my entire world flipped 360 degrees! And i really want to go to the gym now. maybe ill just run on the tredmill, bc i dont want to...
Also, last night with my cousin and today with him helped me sooooooo much with stopping the whole stupid bingeing thing. I have all the support i’ll ever need right now. And i believe with all my heart that i will never ever do it again. Ever.
All you need is love man, that is all you need. Yes, from God and others, but also from yourself.
And you can do anything.
If you believe it is...
Its called self love. And i will learn to learn it. And i will love myself just the way i am. I am perfectly fine just the way God made me. And i will take the best care of what he gave me, and make the best of everything he gave me:)
Damn,
I dont wana get outta bed rite now!
But i gotta clean up, go to the gym, then see him.
And all that, i really want to do today. So, imma get goin now:)
Friggin depressed rite now. Didnt feel like talkin to him on the fone but glad i got it over with. Wen i have anxiety it makes it feel so much worse.
And i really just want to.be left alone these 3 days as i just fly thru this. I just want to be with God right now, and i dont wana be bothered. I need to be w just God these 3 days. Bc i need to set myself straight again.
GW!
Goal Weight of 120 lbs — I’ll be seeing you by mid August, by Aug 15 =)
2 1/2 more weeks. Yep.
Yes, Im going, & im not stopping till i get there.
This is the final stretch. The homerun. And im guna finish it like a boss.
Officially hate junk with a passion
Now i really wish i didnt just eat that junk from the caf, cuz damn it made me feel sick to my stomach. Just greasy shit x_x y do i keep doing this to myself. I hate it. Do i hate it enough to stop it, i fuckn will now. I will damnit. I no longer even like pbnj im so sick of that shit, and mac n cheese n pizza. All those foods i used to obssess over. I ate so much of it. That im over it. Is it...
Yesterday i was just gonna blog about how amazing i thot i was that it was already noon & i didnt even eat yet n i was perfectly fine!
But yesterday blew.
Idk wat i shuld do!? The best thing to do is fast n sleep.
July is actually going to be my most successful month yet. So, far it is, and im going to break a record by the end of the month as well. It will be my half way mark for my 1 month-no binge! sooooo exciteddddd!;D
Just keep swimming
Walking is better than sitting here. Ill burn like double the cals, so i can burn all this food in me as soon as possible. So no fat storage here bitches.
If you're not hungry. You dont eat. Duh.
Simple as that.
If im not hungry, and im full, why the fuck would i eat anymore. duh. thats gay.
*Things i learned from staying w my boyfrend.
4 hour hike today
Not sure how many cals i burned today, but it was quit a ton forsure. So, great, that means i’ll have minused even more cals for the day!:) Even tho i ate a little more food today, im still minusing more than like all my other days:)
Im kinda pissed tho. Why the fuck does my mom have so much shit food in our house? why does she keep doing that like wtf is her problem. Its fucking stupid....
Mannn rite now i just want to go to sleep forever. I dont want to deal w any problems rite now.
Im annoyed AF by him. And im stressed. And i dont want to eat or stay awake or do anything or talk to anyone. I just want to go away from everything for a long time.
I dont want to deal w this rite now, its too much for me to worry about. My brain is just on overload n its done rite now.
Maybe in the...
Shit together!
This is not fcking good. I need to get my shit together, and i need to do my stuff man! My fckn math! I keep fckin around & my schooling shuld be #1 priority. So i need to get up rite now & focus & do as much hw as i can fck! I shuldve not gone out at all this weekend if i knew i had so much hw left to do. I need to make sure i get my most important shit done first.
And right now im...
Breathe
I turn on the tv music and everything is just so nuch better.
Its just eases my entire being.
And i just entirely relax.
Laying in bed
Its raining outside:)
My bf just left to work
Its nice n comfy & warm under these soft covers & in this soft bed i want to go absolutely nowhere & just stay here forever.
With every bone, muscle and soul in my body i do not want to eat. Nothing. I dont even want to go down there, i dont even want to touch anything down there.
I remember so clearly wat happened last time.
And i...
Omg
Im tired AF!
But i know after i take a nap then get ready n stuff for tonite then im guna be so way more pumped n excited!
But rite now i just gotta get my workout done! Tone! Lean muscle! Yeah!
I honestly DGAF
Cuz im excited AF for tomorrow night. Its my first night out clubbing this summer!
i cant believe i havent gone yet! Im just damn excited bc im guna look fly as hellllll.
Im wearing my never before worn black lace dress & new 5 inch heels;D
its guna be hotttttt. And i’ll probly straighten my hair, and do something new & exciting with my make up:D
This is the first time he’s...
Mornings
I have to keep reminding myself that in the mornings everything is always wayy better.
Im not hungry at all anymore. Im not feeling an stomach pain anymore. Im not grumpy anymore.
Everything just gets ok by morning. So i need to relax during the nights, and read stuff n look at pics and just do nothinggg, and just go to sleep early, bc any discomfort i may have will be long gone by morning....
2 days fasting done. Forever.
This chapter of my life has just ended, i cant do that to my one & only precious body anymore.
Feelin all nice n comfy n cozy in my bed ready for a full nights rest, n got my ipod on.
Got a busy day ahead of me tomorrow and excited for it bc my fast is over!
As usual 2 days went by in a snap. But i swear to God that was the very last time of that shit.
I got it this time! I got that...
I feel great!
Just great.
This should remind me how much better it is to take care of myself.
And going to the gym at midnight was an absolutely incredible experience. Loved it! Excpt that i locked my keys in my locker, so they had to break open my lock but no biggy.
I can never go back to treating my body that bad again. Im going to treat my very own precious body with the utmost care & respect &...
holy dicks
My math hw is not even that hard, and im getting it done so much quicker than i thought. Its quite satisfying getting this done. And i have all the resources i need, and i can figure out all the problems, all i have to do is use my book, notes, and the online help.
Its awsome! Im so happy!
Heading out to the gym soon, once i finish half of todays hw, then wen i get back i’ll finish the...
Junk food isnt worthy of being in your body.
You’re better than that!
Skipping
I cant even go to class tomorrow, bc im so afraid i’ll see someone, anyone i may know. And im just an absolute discusting fat mess right now. I cant do it. I cant go to class.
And i cant do this anymore, bc im bringing down my future & my life for overeating! Its outrageously discusting. I need to think about consequences, and every single thing i do! has an after effect. And i CANNOT...
That 70s Show
Fez likes them big. Fez likes them small. Fez likes them ALL.
LOLz
Just because you’re surrounded by bad food doesn’t...
Everything is Possible.
Im finishing this
1 more month till my GW. 1 more month no overeating. 1 more month till im happy. 1 more month till i can live. Really live. For me and for everybody.
The one day im on time class starts late boooooooo
Ok
Soon i am getting a job damnit. Bc im guna start saving to be on my own, cuz im tired of having to deal w my parents for evry little thing and its only bc theyre still fully supporting me financially, so they’re on my back for every little thing, and its just annoying now bc i know wat im doing bow, and im doing fine on my own. This is how i know im ready.
Everythings so clear to me now...
Hmm
Idk how small i am now, wat size i am, or gow much i weigh…. but my size 7 shorts r so big, so i may be size 5. Wow. I was probly down close to 125 then, cuz i went 8 daya binge free, i culdnt believe it! Now im shootin for the rest of this month however many days that is im guna calc it. Bc im so close to my gw! shit! And my results are turning out great, like never thot muly body culd even...
Its hard being with someone, when you struggle...
Im on this journey of losing my weight, every single day, and it just makes many things harder in a relationship.
And im just not satisfied with myself yet, and that makes it even harder for someone to love you like that.
I just need to finish this journey of mine.
Im going back home tomorrow, and push it to the limit.
Im going to up my exercise, because i have NOT been getting enough...
I guess im so used to (from my past life) wanting food all the time no matter wat… that now i still think that way often. But as im laying here making myself feel all that stuff, i realized that its all in my head. Bc i tried, rlly tried to just feel my stomach and im not even hungry!
My appetite has increased quite a bit since the past 8 days, and i just remembered why, cuz usually i go to...
i gotta say my bod looks pretty amazing rite now. just that my hipbones are nice, my stomach is the flattest its ever been, and my backside curve looks amazing, and my nice is nice AF! ;D
esp yesterday at the beach, but still even this morning, even tho i ate a bit more food late last night x_x
